Wednesday, April 30, 2008

New Controversy for Carlos Delgado

Enraged Mets fan Richard "Stumpy" Abromowitz from Bensonhurst is leading a new charge against the Mets beleaguered slugger.

He's calling it: "Curtain Call Two".

During last night's game Abromowitz became enraged when he thought Delgado actually took a curtain call after teammate Ryan Church's two run home run.

"Delgado was clearly basking in the applause for Church when he came out of the dugout," said Stumpy, "I couldn't believe my eyes."

When told Delgado was actually standing in the on-deck circle at the time, Abramowitz became glassy eyed.

"Was he or was he not out of the dugout? So he could do it then, but not after we all cheered his butt on Sunday? That's all I have to say."

Monday, April 28, 2008

What WOULDN'T Keith Do......

It's pretty simple--he wouldn't do what Roger Clemens apparently does.

We've knocked Clemens for years for all manner of poor behavior.

The steroids, the lying, blaming his wife, his trainer, his teammates, his mother, and anyone else on the planet.

In Roger's mind he's perfect.

Now the latest, the alleged affair with a then underage Mindy McCready, is just too much.

Roger, we hardly knew ya.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Keith is the Man

May we draw your attention to 1:48 of this video.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

2008 Mustache On-Line World Championships

Well we're down to our two finalists: Heinz Christophel, from Germany, and Keith Hernandez, of the USA.

Christophel is the three-time world champion in the full beard freestyle category.

His most famous qoute, "Germans are superior to Americans when it comes to facial hair growing because styling is more evolved in Germany."

Keith Hernandez, a former major league MVP, was the 2007 winner of "Mustache Madness".

During an 18-year big league career, Hernandez compiled a lifetime .296 batting average, 2,182 hits, 162 home runs, and won an amazing 11 consecutive Gold Gloves.

His most famous quote, "I'm Keith Hernandez."

When told of Christophel's quote regarding German superiority, Keith laughed and said, "he does know that 'Ken' is German, right?"

Ken, of course, is the famous Ken Willerwacher. Willerwacher's '70s album "by Request Only", sold 1,364 copies, of which 961 were bought and played on underground radio in the former East Germany during the rise (and rapid fall) of the disco era.

The album is said to be responsible for delaying the bringing down of the Berlin Wall by 6 years and increasing tensions all across the European peninsula.

The most requested song on the album was "Dandy Ding-O Disco Swing-O".

Voting will be open until May 15th.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Rheingold vs Coors

Keith has made his choice, have you?

Tim Foli was a Wannabe

Have you ever looked up Tim Foli's stats? Take a look here and prepare for an eye-popping waltz through 70s and 80s baseball mediocrity.

Here are a few tidbits:
  • .251 lifetime Batting Average
  • .283 lifetime OBP (ouch!)
  • .309 lifetime Slugging Percentage
  • 25 HRs in over 6,000 career at-bats
There's more, but you've probably lost your lunch already.

I will also add that not only was Tim Foli one of the most offensively challenged players to ever grace a major league diamond, he also sported an insufferably bad mustache. So bad, in fact, that a major league survey showed an astounding 93.67% of players would want to hang out with Tim Foli in a bar. The primary reason given? They thought it would drive more woman toward them because, "next to Tim's 'stache, anyone will look good."

Please be warned that these pictures are not for the faint of heart, those suffering from hypothermia, infants, older women, or Estonians.

You have been warned!

Ladies and gentlemen, I know Keith Hernandez, and you Tim Foli, are no Keith Hernandez!

I Just Looked Up "Cool" in the 1980s Dictionary

and this is all they had for the entry:

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Robert Asks About Kai, and Gets a Lot More

First off, we're sure the attractive Kai "digs the 'stache"!

The article:

“Do you want to hear Kai’s story?” he asks – and then, to her: ‘Do you want me to tell it? Everything? Sure? Sure?’ ”

She nods Yes.

“Okay. Well, Kai’s a 9/11 widow. We first saw one another at a party here in New York at the Pennsylvania Hotel in 1999. I was with another girl. Kai was an enormous Mets fan. It was like "South Pacific." ‘Some enchanted evening … ” We made eye contact. I said to a friend -- ”

“A scout,” his Manhattan-born-and-bred wife interjects -- baseball terminology for talent-hunter.

‘I said to a friend: ‘Go over there and get her telephone number.’ The friend came back and said: ‘She’s engaged to someone.’ ” (The someone was bond trader Glen Thomson, who was to die in the World Trade Center.)

“Oh well, c’est la vie. Two years pass. I’m somewhere on the Upper East Side, having lunch with a bunch of guys, when she walks in, and somebody says: ‘She lost her husband in 9/11.’ ”

This time there was a mutual friend who worked for the Corcoran real-estate group.

“I asked that friend for Kai’s phone number. The friend asked Kai: ‘Do you think you’re ready?’ Kai said: ‘Well, I’m certainly ready to speak on the phone.’ Six weeks later, the friend gave me Kai’s phone number. I was in Florida. Kai and I talked every day on the phone, and then, finally … ”

That’s the Kai story. Ex-Met Rusty Staub, no slouch of a ballplayer himself, gave her away at the wedding in Florida.

Rusty Staub

The Keith Hernandez story begins October 20, 1953, in San Francisco, California. “October 20 – Juan Marichal’s birthday, Mickey Mantle’s birthday, and mine.”

“My father was John Hernandez, Jr., a San Francisco fireman for 25 years and a minor-league baseball player – a first baseman – during the Depression. My older brother Gary, by the way, was [like Keith] an all-American left-handed first baseman.”

The Hernandez strain goes back to Malaga, Spain.

“My grandfather, John senior, was a Spanish grump. His father was a captain in the Guardia Civil. John senior and his wife Lita foresaw the troubles coming in Europe and fled Spain in 1911. For some reason they went to the Philippines, where they chopped sugar until they caught a boat to Hawaii. They chopped sugar there, and John senior got to be foreman, and they caught a boat to San Francisco, bringing daughter Isabel with them. They proceeded to have five more children, my dad being the youngest.

“I’m the first Hernandez to have diluted blood. My mother, Jacquelyn Jordan Hernandez, a Deep South girl from Beaumont, Texas, was Scots-Irish. Her family had fled persecution in Scotland in the 1600s.

“I hate that ‘Mex’ and my dad hated it worse. ‘Spain!’ he’d yell. ‘Where is that on the map? Europe!’

Keith’s father died at 69 in 1992 – “ironically the year I retired.” His mother had died in 1989, at 59, of Alzheimer’s.

The Gold Glove first baseman’s first place of boyhood was Pacifica, California, some 20 miles south of San Francisco.

“A lot of my friends got caught up in the drug culture and ended up in jail or dead. My dad knew what was going on and moved us to Millbrae, near the airport. I went to Capuchino High School, like the coffee, where I did all three sports, football, basketball, baseball.”

Read any books?

“I was very fortunate to have a great English teacher senior year. Mr. Mahaffey – a big John Steinbeck fan.” Hernandez went off to baseball after “one semester as a B-minus student” at San Mateo City College.

“The Cardinals scouted me, every team scouted me. I was a pitcher/first baseman, but my arm wasn’t ready and the manager was a jerk, so I quit college and was drafted in the 250th round, something like the 750th pick. The Cards offered me $3,000 to sign. My dad said: ‘That’s a joke,’ and he negotiated them to $30,000. I signed in June 1971.

“In 1974, when the Cards lost the division title to the Pirates by one game, I had had a great year with the Triple-A Oklahoma Oilers. Joe Torre [then the Cardinals’ All-Star first baseman/third baseman] sprained his thumb, They didn’t want to put him on the disabled list, so they released Tim McCarver to make room for me on the roster.

“My first game” – engraved on memory, natch – “was August 30, 1974, against the Giants in San Francisco, my home town, with about 90 million of my relatives watching. I went 1 for 3 – a ground-ball single between first and second off Mike Caldwell. I stayed up the whole year, and when Joe got well, I used to pinch hit.”

It was injuries that put an end to his own career. “The first 13 years I was never hurt. The last two years I had a hamstring, broke my kneecap in a collision during a game against the Dodgers, had back surgery. A typical story … ”

May we talk about you and drugs?

“Sure. Everybody knows about it, and that’s fine. It started with marijuana; it always does, and no matter what they say, I do believe it leads to other things. You’re around that element. In 1973 I was in Double-A at Little Rock, Arkansas, and then at Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was 19 years old.

“At Tulsa they gave us [rookies] an apartment with two double beds at $10 for the whole thing, to share with some other guy. A month later another player, we don’t need to use his name, moved in with me, so that made it $5.

“The first night he breaks out a pound – a brick – of marijuana. Which had to have something else in it. It was the year, I remember, of the Pink Floyd album. So he breaks this out, and it’s off to the races … ”

Hernandez stops, regroups, proceeds.

“I basically smoked pot till I was 29. Because I needed to. Somewhere down the road, someone was traded for, again I won’t mention the name, and that was that. Cocaine. The slippery slope. Not recommended for anyone.

“By the time of Pittsburgh [and that 1985 Grand Jury] it was a closed book. I had quit” – gone clean. “Did it all myself, in 1982. Realized I had to. So when I got a call from the FBI in the spring of 1984 – they’d even got my unlisted phone number in St. Petersburg – it was, oh shit, you’ve got to be kidding, here we go again.”

It was Rusty Staub who brought Hernandez back into baseball. He got Keith together with talent agent Don Buchwald, who asked if Hernandez was interested in announcing.

“ ‘Naah,’ I said, ‘I don’t think so.’ ‘Well, keep an open mind,’ Buchwald said. My agent, David Katz, is very patient. He kind of pressed me. I finally decided: No matter what they do to it or how it changes” – is diluted – “baseball is still a beautiful game.”

You can hear Keith Hernandez and see him covering the Mets on the cable broadcasts of FSNY and MSG “and once in a blue moon” on Channel 11 filling in for the great (and opinionated) Tom Seaver – “my Hall of Fame weekends,” says Hernandez, as dryly as before.

You may have heard and seen him on a fairly embarrassing two-part 1992 "Seinfeld" in which Jerry Seinfeld develops a locker-room crush on the five-time All-Star first baseman.

“Terrifying,” says Hernandez in retrospect. “A live audience. Lots of lines. Not a good experience. Just living in New York makes these things happen.”

Keith Hernandez and Jerry Seinfeld

You may have read some or all of the three books he’s written, "If at First" (with Mike Bryan), a day-by-day diary of the 1985 season; "Pure Baseball: Pitch by Pitch" (also with Mike Bryan), in which two games are analyzed and you’re told what to look for while watching on television – “this was the idea of my editor Wendy Wolf” --and "First-Base Hero," a children’s pop-up book. “That one’s all me.”

You may have read he was a Civil War buff, although he himself says that’s an exaggeration by the press and pr people. “You know how it is when you come up to the big leagues: ‘What are your interests, Mr. Hernandez?’ ” He does however admit that he’s been three times to take a look at Gettysburg.

You may have observed the glossy black-haired Keith Hernandez along with Walt Frazier in the Just for Men hair-coloring commercials.

What’s the real color of your hair?


When did you first grow that moustache?

“The first day I stepped out of the house at 18, to get out from under my dad’s thumb.”

You know, Mr. Hernandez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any other first baseman do what you as a Met used to do, and a lot more than just once or twice – grab a grounder, even a bunt, and throw out a runner who was sliding in to third base.

“Thank you,” said Keith Hernandez gravely. “I’ve never seen anyone else do it either. And I could even do it when playing back of the bag at first. I had a strong arm.”

MVP is short for Most Valuable Player. It’s also short for most valuable person.

(from "NYC Plus")

Just for Men

Keith Chimes in:

Hey kids. Just thought I'd take a moment and give you my answers to the Just for Men frequently asked questions.

I've found that wherever I go, whether it's on a wine tasting, shooting a TV commercial, getting tailored for a special "on-air" crushed velvet suit, or just kicking back in the Hamptons with other celebrities, people always want to know about hair dye.

So let's take a bite out of this high cheddar and answer a few questions.
Q: How is Just For Men® Brush-In Color Gel for Mustache, Beard and Sideburns different from Just For Men® Shampoo-In Haircolor?
Well, I just don't a curveball at the knees on the first one. Listen, if you want to have a grey mustache and a nice dark brown head of hair, be my guest. I don't judge.
Q: How often should I color my head hair?
It's seasonal. In the Summer, every third day. The Fall, once a week. Winter, once a month or every 6 weeks if you're in a climate like the mountains featured on the side of a Coors bottle. I dye mine every other Wednesday or when my lovely wife Kai tells me I'm starting to look like Whitey Herzog in the root department. No hair dye in the Spring--ever.
Q: How often should I color my facial hair?
Twice a day.
Q: How does Just For Men® deliver a natural look?
OK let me break this down. Look at the way Kid Carter received a pitch. He and the pitcher had a rhythm, like the rhythm of drummer Neil Pert, who could really hammer out the solos. So you have a drum solo beat, and then a rhythm and then you call pitches, even to a guy like Sid Fernandez, who as we all know is from Hawaii. Hey Ronnie, who is also from Hawaii, said something the other day about the colors on my scorecard, that could also be a rhythm because of the way the colors blend naturally, just like the natural look of Just for Men. Did I answer your question?
Q: Why should I use Just For Men® instead of women's haircolor?
Women do not belong in the dugout.
Q: How do I select the shade that is most natural for me?
That there fire down below? Does the roof match the floor? I guess I would say just go with what works.
Q: What happens if I try a different brand of haircolor?
You will go permanently bald, as will all of your family members.
Q: Do I need a special shampoo?
Q: Should I color my hair before a haircut or after?
Color it before, then get a haircut and re-color. Add in a Coors and some High Cheddar, and don't forget to tip your barber.
Q: Can I perm my hair while using Just For Men®?
The only major leaguer who ever looked good in a perm was Kid Carter. If you want to look like Gary then do it.
Q: Can I relax my hair while using Just For Men®?
Yes, the whole Just for Men experience is very relaxing...your hair will feel more at ease with itself than Kevin Elster does when looking in a mirror.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Best Announcing Crew in Baseball?

And of course Keith is the glue that holds the talented group together....with Keith Hernandez on the team anything can happen.

Here's the article describing the unique talents of the Emmy award winners.

Is it just me, or does Keith's mustache look especially ill-groomed in that pic?

Hell, even an epicly talented mega star like Keith can take a bad pic every now and then.

The Power of Keith

GEORGE: look at this guy. Does he have to stretch in here?
JERRY: You know who that is? That's
GEORGE: Keith Hernandez? The baseball player?
JERRY: Yeah, that's him.
GEORGE: Are you sure?
JERRY: Positive.
GEORGE: Wow, Keith Hernandez. He's such a great player.
JERRY: Yeah, he's a real smart guy too. He's a Civil War buff.
GEORGE: I'd love to be a Civil War buff. ... What do you have to do to be a buff
JERRY: So Biff wants to be a buff? ... Well sleeping less than 18 hours a day
would be a start.
GEORGE: ho ho ho ho. You know I only got two weeks left of unemployment. I got
to prove I've been looking for a job to get an extension
JERRY: Hey, should we say something to him?
GEORGE: Oh, yeah I'm sure he loves to hear from fans in the locker room.
JERRY: well he could say hello to me. I wouldn't mind.
GEORGE: He's Keith Hernandez. You're Jerry Seinfeld.
GEORGE: What are you comparing yourself to Keith Hernandez. The guys a baseball
player Jerry, Baseball!
JERRY: I know what he is. I recognized him. You didn't even notice him.
GEORGE: What, ... you are making some wisecracks in a night club... wo wo wo.
The guy was in game SIX two runs down two outs facing elimination.
KEITH: Excuse me. I don't want to disturb you, I'm Keith Hernandez and I just
want to tell you what a big fan I am. I love your comedy.
JERRY: Really?
KEITH: I've always wanted to do what you do.
JERRY: What I do? You are one of my favorite ball players of all time
GEORGE: Mine too.
KEITH: I love that bit about Jimmy Olson
JERRY: Thank you.
GEORGE: You know Keith, what I've always wondered, with all these ball clubs
flying around all season don't you think there would be a plane crash? ...
KEITH: (to Jerry) Do you perform anywhere in new York right now?
JERRY: I'm performing in this club on the east Side. You should come in.
GEORGE: But if you think about it...26 teams, 162 games a season, you'd think
eventually an entire team would get wiped out.
KEITH: You know, I live on the East Side.
JERRY: I'll tell you what, I'll give you my number and uh, just give me a call,
tell me whenever you want to go.
KEITH: or maybe just to get together for a cup of coffee
JERRY: Oh. that would be great.
GEORGE: Uh, it's only a matter of time.
KEITH: Who's this chucker?


[at Monks Diner]

JERRY: It's been three days and he hasn't called.
ELAINE: Well maybe you should call him.
JERRY: I can't ... I can't
ELAINE: Why not?
JERRY: I don't know. I just feel he should call me.
ELAINE: What's the difference?
JERRY: You don't understand, Elaine. I don't want to be overanxious. If he wants
to see me he has my number, he should call.
ELAINE: Yech, look at this ashtray. I hate cigarettes.
JERRY: I can't stand these guys. You give your number to them and then they
don't call. Why do they do that?
ELAINE: I'm sorry honey.
JERRY: I mean, I thought he liked me. I really thought he liked me. we were
getting along. He came over to me I didn't go over to him.
JERRY: Why did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me?
ELAINE: I know.
JERRY: What did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me? I mean here I
meet this guy this great guy, a baseball player, best guy I ever met in my life.
.. Well that's it. I'm never giving my number out to another guy again.
ELAINE: Sometimes I've given my number out to guys and it takes them a month to
JERRY: Hu, good, good,... well if he's calling in a month he's got a prayer!
ELAINE: You know maybe he's been busy. Maybe he's been out of town?
JERRY: Oh, they don't have phones out of town? Why do(?) people say they're
too busy. Too busy. Pick up a phone!! It takes two minutes. How can you be
too busy?
ELAINE: Why don't you just go ahead and call him?
JERRY: I can't call here, it's a coffee shop. I mean what am I going to say to
ELAINE: Just ask him if he wants a to get together.
JERRY: For what dinner?
ELAINE: Dinner's good.
JERRY: Don't you think that's coming on a little too strong? .. Isn't that like
a turn off?
ELAINE: Jerry, He's A GUY!
JERRY: ... this is all .. very confusing.

Welcome to "What Would Keith Do?"

As all diehard Mets fans know, Keith Hernandez is one of the most candid, funny, intriguing, and intelligent baseball players to grace the confines of Shea stadium. The iconic former all-star and current broadcaster is one of the most beloved Mets of all-time, and dispenses on-air gems on a nightly basis.

This site allows you, the reader, to get in Keith's head and ask him questions on all manner of topics. His answers, we're sure, will allow you to lead a fuller, richer life, safe in the knowledge that in any situation you can have the insight into "What Would Keith Do?"