Saturday, April 11, 2009

Keith Hernandez: Just for Men

Keith Chimes in:

Hey kids. Just thought I'd take a moment and give you my answers to the Just for Men frequently asked questions.

I've found that wherever I go, whether it's on a wine tasting, shooting a TV commercial, getting tailored for a special "on-air" crushed velvet suit, or just kicking back in the Hamptons with other celebrities, people always want to know about hair dye.

So let's take a bite out of this high cheddar and answer a few questions.

Q: How is Just For Men® Brush-In Color Gel for Mustache, Beard and Sideburns different from Just For Men® Shampoo-In Haircolor?
Well, I just don't a curveball at the knees on the first one. Listen, if you want to have a grey mustache and a nice dark brown head of hair, be my guest. I don't judge.

Q: How often should I color my head hair?
It's seasonal. In the Summer, every third day. The Fall, once a week. Winter, once a month or every 6 weeks if you're in a climate like the mountains featured on the side of a Coors bottle. I dye mine every other Wednesday or when my lovely wife Kai tells me I'm starting to look like Whitey Herzog in the root department. No hair dye in the Spring--ever.

Q: How often should I color my facial hair?
Twice a day.

Q: How does Just For Men® deliver a natural look?
OK let me break this down. Look at the way Kid Carter received a pitch. He and the pitcher had a rhythm, like the rhythm of Rush drummer Neil Pert, who could really hammer out the solos. So you have a drum solo beat, and then a rhythm and then you call pitches, even to a guy like Sid Fernandez, who as we all know is from Hawaii. Ronnie, who is also from Hawaii, said something the other day about the colors on my scorecard, that could also be a rhythm because of the way the colors blend naturally, just like the natural look of Just for Men. Did I answer your question?

Q: Why should I use Just For Men® instead of women's haircolor?
Women do not belong in the dugout.

Q: How do I select the shade that is most natural for me?
That there fire down below? Does the roof match the floor? I guess I would say just go with what works.

Q: What happens if I try a different brand of haircolor?
You will go permanently bald, as will all of your family members.

Q: Do I need a special shampoo?

Q: Should I color my hair before a haircut or after?
Color it before, then get a haircut and re-color. Add in a Coors and some High Cheddar, and don't forget to tip your barber.

Q: Can I perm my hair while using Just For Men®?
The only major leaguer who ever looked good in a perm was Kid Carter. If you want to look like Gary then do it.

Q: Can I relax my hair while using Just For Men®?
Yes, the whole Just for Men experience is very relaxing...your hair will feel more at ease with itself than Kevin Elster does when looking in a mirror.

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